


Comforting Sounds (A Snape Fan Fiction)

by ghandiee



Category: Florence + the Machine, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Fanfiction, Fantasy, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hogwarts, Moral Dilemmas, Romance, Self-Blame, Self-Love, Shrek is Love Shrek is Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27087847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghandiee/pseuds/ghandiee
Summary: Karla Atkins has been a counsellor at Hogwarts School of Wizardry for 2 years. Most of her colleagues in Hogwarts were in fact her teachers during her studies there. She was the youngest staff in the age of 28th, with duties to assists students who reached out to her.Karla was the typical person who seemed to have no problems weighing her life. But in reality, she couldn't even help herself to overcome them. She thought that by helping other people would allow her to find happiness, until she set "detention" for Professor Snape who had been bullying students.Throughout time, they bond into friendship and discovered that they were in fact the same person with a hint of different colours.This is a story about the journey of a people pleaser overcoming Self-Blame then transform it into Self-Love.
Relationships: Severus Snape/Original Character(s)





	1. Intro (Inciting Incident)

** Chapter 1: Inciting Incident **

"Alright, Michael. Let us begin. First, you rest your hands in mine, eyes close to focus. And remember, resistance would only allow the pain to come in. Are you ready?

"Yes, Professor Atkins."

_~_

_In a green-washed foggy scenery, a small figure stood still as if he was under an enchantment. Slowly his surroundings turned into a living room where a couple argued all evening. The little boy, Michael, was only about 8th-years-old. His hands covered both his ears; they were buzzing from all the shoutings his parents exchanged every hour of the night after work. The muggle parents were having a divorce, and Michael's mother was verbally and physically abusive towards him_

~

_Michael's mother kept her eyes on him as he was taking a shower. She had trust issues over her son since she considered him as the devil's child for being able to do tasks supernaturally._

_As Michael accidentally pumped the shampoo too much than his mother had allowed him, she smacked him hard with a hanger. Not only once, but multiple times. And Michael wasn't allowed to cry, so he hid his tears behind the shower. Michael was the one who didn't allow himself to sob as well._

_"You filthy devil's child!? YOU ARE a CURSE in this family!" His mother shouted._

_To Michael, his mother was the devil. She was the one who made him cry himself to sleep every night, waking up with puffy eyes which he had to hide as well. One time when Michael was 11th-years-old, he pleaded to leave with his father after the divorce. Unfortunately, Michael's custody went to his mother, his father couldn't do anything. But not long, Michael got his letter from Hogwarts._

_It was a difficult process for him to convince his mother about Hogwarts since the fact that Michael is a wizard assured his mother more he was a devil's child._

_Until Michael told her, "If I go there, I swear I'll leave you alone! I won't bother you, please!"_

~

The 16th-year-old Michael opened his eyes in Professor Karla Atkins' office, usually called by other students the "Counselling Room" or "Healing Room". He was sitting in front of Karla, who held both of Michael's hands.

She was a 28th-year-old woman in the form of a slim figure with wavy-dark brown strands for a crown. Her facial features were distinctive, a hint of Romanian descent can be found on her face. And a bit of South-Eastern Asia followed. Stern jaw and cheekbones constructed her face. Her skin was supposed to be ivory, yet they hid behind the mental pain endurance and made them frozen dark that most people wouldn't understand.

Karla opened her eyes and took a deep breath. They had just finished with Michael's sharing session. She used a rather simple and painless _Legilimens_ enchantment by transferring them through physical contact such as holding the patient's hands. Karla developed the method herself as she was studying psychology in the muggle world before she became the counsellor of Hogwarts. The method was used for students who weren't able to share their traumas verbally.

Karla herself initiated the need for students and staff members counselling to Dumbledore and McGonagall, around 4 years after she graduated college. It was approved and she had just worked in Hogwarts for almost two years.

Nonetheless, during her first day of work, students lined up to make an appointment with her. They were excited about the existence of a counsellor since Hogwarts' never had one before. Students would come to her with typical teenage existential crisis matter, cried out every inch of their story considering family, personal, and love matters.

She had a hard time keeping up with her schedule. Not to mention the detention she also give to the students who misbehaved, bully, and any other actions which involve breaking the school's policy. Before her arrival, each professor usually handled students with their own detentions. They too were glad for Karla's presence since they didn't have to deal with students they found problematic or annoying.

But behind their relief, it made Karla consumed a larger dose of anti-depressant to keep herself from stress. Every morning she took two pills and as well during the end of the last appointment.

Karla looked down at Michael's hands in hers, his was facing upwards and she saw the cut marks on his wrist. Karla placed her palm on his scar, covering them from her uneasy feeling towards.

"I don't hate her, Professor." Michael began. "I want to accept her as my mother, but the pain... they won't go away. There are times when I want us to be like other families..."

Karla returned his hand to his lap, she looked at him.

"I understand, Michael. From what you showed me, it must've been difficult to endure let alone overcome it." Karla's voice was soothing, she sounded like the person who would never harm even an insect. "What do you feel about your relationship with her?"

Michael's eyes shifted away from Karla, he was trying to find where his feelings sat. His willingness to compromise impressed Karla.

"Remorse... I built a thick wall between her and me. Sometimes I feel that she wasn't just a lunatic... But, at the same time, I don't think I should be giving her chances when she hurt me throughout all those years..."

Karla smiled knowingly upon Michael's words.

"That's good Michael, I can see that you want to be here and share all this with me because you want to overcome it. And I'm proud that you're trying to acknowledge your feelings and emotions. It is a huge step for you and it's very important that you're not denying your feelings. You've kept all this to yourself for a long time, I presume?" Karla's voice was so gentle and understanding, something that Michael rarely in his day to day life. 

Michael nodded to her.

"Well, my advice is that you take time for yourself to think about your relationship with your mother. And I'm here to guide you through it. Confusion is a real thing as well as your feelings, no need to fear it. It's completely normal for you to have trust issues with her. However, your mother may have her own traumas and pain, and if you want to fix this relationship then you need to be aware that it's not your responsibility to change her. It is beyond your control. But you can still do your part by trying to communicate with her. It's not easy as well and it takes patience." Karla said and smiled reassuringly to him.

"But, what if it is my responsibilities, Professor? I feel that I should have control over it, she has that over me for the past few years. Why can't I if it would make a change when I know that there's something wrong?"

Karla's smile slightly faded away as Michael retorted the question. Her emotions struggled to keep herself together, started to throw her already fragile mind to the walls multiple times. Part of Karla agreed to Michael's question. In fact, Karla had been avoiding herself from it for the past 10 years of her life. She wanted to make a change, yet something had always gotten in her way.

~

After Michael went on to catch his next class, Karla quickly pulled out a bottle of anti-depressant from her pocket and did her routine as she started to feel a bit anxious. She then placed the bottle down on her desk. Eyes closed as she leaned for support to the arms of her chair. Slowly as the triggers died down, Karla stayed in her position to make sure her anxiety went back to the grave inside her.

Karla was used to consuming muggle medicines more than potions since she had a hard time obtaining the ingredients. The habit had been planted on her head after she graduated as a psychologist. Seeing her ability to help other people, they will think nothing weighed on her shoulders.

But then again, she was only hiding her pain. She couldn't help her own self. Karla always thought that helping others would help her bury the casket she had. But she didn't realize that instead, it would only stay there, waiting for the triggers to shove itself back up.

Karla opened her eyes again and realized that the sun had set. She let the time passed by without her notice since she was too paranoid that her anxiety would return. Insecure that the pills wouldn't do its job well.

She pulled herself away to reality and hurried back to her chambers to distract herself. The exhaustion and sedation made her forget the pills on the table. 

Karla had already imagined the soft couch in her room which would accompany her with the book she was currently reading, feeling the warmth of the fireplace, sipping her own wine remedy, and last: indulge herself with a pack of cigarettes which she rolled herself. The things that distracted her away from the problems she had.

"Professor. Harry." Karla greeted bluntly as she passed Snape and Harry in front of the small storeroom where Snape kept his potions. Her eyes remained at the end of the corridor. She was halfway towards her chamber.

Suddenly after a few steps further, she heard a loud thud echoed behind her. Karla instantly turned to her surprise and witnessed Snape pinning Harry to the walls.

"I didn't steal anything!" Harry tried to defend as Snape's grip tighten upon the boy's collar.

"Don't lie to me, Potter!"

Karla's eyes widened and she rushed back to them. Tried to break the two from their intensify quarrel.

"Hey! Hey! Easy..." Karla tried to pull Snape away from Harry, gripped his wrists.

As she noticed his attention stayed on the Potter boy, Karla grew from concern to being disturbed. His demeanour was unacceptable to her. Snape seemed to not care about her presence. Harry's eyes were confused between his two professors whilst struggling within Snape's grip.

Karla had enough with her former professor's misbehaviour. All her memories about his actions towards students during her school years at Hogwarts flashed before her eyes.

"Professor that is enough!?" She growled. The rising temper within her voice succeeded in having Snape's attention.

After a moment of looking at her with the same expression, Snape released Harry reluctantly. He was clearly filled with dissatisfaction upon Karla's involvement.

Karla examined Snape for some moment as he looked at Harry with vengeance. Her fingers brushed her loose strands behind her ear and let the breath she had been holding escape her mouth, trying to calm herself down in the event that just occurred. She crossed her arms under her chest.

Harry froze in his spot, this was the first person to ever interfered in his and Snape's restless encounter. If she wasn't on sedation, she would already be barking and pulled her wand out.

Not long, Karla turned to the 4th year student in concern. "Run along, Harry." She told.

Snape's gaze followed Harry as he walked away from the disturbance, threatening him with his eyes. Both Karla and Snape remained in silence. Snape didn't deliver any comment to his colleague, he looked down to the floor with his hands on his waist.

Karla then glared back at Snape.

"Detention, Professor." Her tone was unequivocal. "First thing in the morning. Tomorrow. My Office."

And with that, she continued her way to her chambers with a quick and stern pace. Karla heard the door of the small room being shut. It echoed throughout the corridors.

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Thank you for reading everyone. I'm very excited to write this story since this is where I pour down my perspectives regarding my own personal problems and turn them into a story. It's therapeutic and helps me practice my writings & character development.
> 
> I imagine Karla in Rooney Mara's features with a hint of Eastern Asia in her face. 
> 
> Don't forget to like / comment & subscribe ;)  
> \- Ghandiee_


	2. Draught of Peace

** Chapter 2: Draught of Peace **

Enjoying her book, wine and cigarette helped Karla relaxed a bit from her earlier debacle with Snape and Harry. She was already tired, and the event built a slight adrenaline rush in her. It was the first time she ever gave a teacher detention. Yet, it didn't surprise Karla. She knew it coming since she herself had problems witnessing Snape's demeanour as her teacher during her school years.

_Maybe he has his own problems? Do you think his behaviour occurs in his personal life? What is he like when he's alone? How can he be so good at holding any emotions over anything?_

The memories of hers and her friends' questions 14 years prior dwelled in Karla's mind as she tried to continue reading the book. Back then Karla was worried, and she pitied the man. No one ever saw him smile nor laugh, not to mention ever had a slight of hope for him to change and be nice. Those kinds of feelings towards other people made Karla study psychology. She wanted to help them, but she knew well that she doesn't have control over it. It was up to them to be aware of their being.

Karla put more thoughts into it to prepare herself before having the session with Snape. She pushed away from her annoyance over the next day being a weekend where she was supposed to rest.

She could sense that it was different between dealing with a student than a grown man. Karla knew it from when she tried to deal with her own self. A position where people get more confused about making decisions and answering questions from themselves. Karla examined Snape from her memories over him again, sighted the thick wall he built, the emotions that he cleverly suppressed.

~

_The 15th-year-old Karla was doing her Potion's exam on Snape's classroom with the rest of the students. It was the first year where Snape exchanged Professor Slughhorn's position as Potions Master after Slughorn's retirement. Most of the students were in shock about Snape's system of teaching. Including Karla._

_She reached the last question which acquired opinion regarding the misuse of potion in the wizarding world. This kind of question always excites Karla since she liked to discuss and debate, she was also very keen on studying history and observed events that occurred within the period time. Karla was one of the few critical students in her year._

_Karla then began writing her answers that turned into an essay until she lost track of time. Her answer reached two parchment papers when her friends only succeeded in only writing a couple of paragraphs. It was as if she was writing an opinion for the Daily Prophet._

_As Karla finished, she double-checked her essay and her answer to the previous question. When she was sure enough to settle, she stood up and compiled her papers into a bundle. Then she realized that she was the last student in the room. She looked around and found Snape who paid attention to her in the last ten minutes from his desk with his arms crossed. His eyes were getting tired and annoyed with waiting._

_"Well, Miss Atkins, I was beginning to fight the urge to make you answer the question verbally instead. Worry that you'd add another page. Debating wouldn't be an option as well." Snape expressed his fear. Yet, Karla translated them as a form of mockery. She held herself from letting her tears escape since she felt guilty._

_"Pray that your answer is worth reading and most importantly correct. Otherwise, you would end up regretting." Snape raised his eyebrows to the frozen Karla. She felt bad for making him wait for her._

_"I-- I do hope the same, Professor. Forgive me..." Karla brought herself to his desk and handed the papers to him, "I appreciate your patients, as well." Snape received them and leaned forward from his chair; he began to read them._

_Slightly contradicted to her trait as a Huffle Puff, Karla remained to stand in front of him with a slight hope that he would comment on her work right away. She still considered him not far from Slughorn. But instead, Snape looked up to her, he thought that she had several more words to deliver. After a moment of waiting, he decided to place down the paper to answer her internal hopes which were obviously painted across her face._

_"Off you go, then." He gestured his hand and stood up from his desk._

_With that Karla swiftly turned on her heels with her face down then grabbed her belongings. She left with the fear that she might just rant on her answer. What Karla didn't realize back then was that she was being gaslighted._

_~_

_The potions class began in the morning. Snape walked to his desk from the entrance and the hustle throughout the class died down. The emotionless professor, who always seemed to never be joyful at any time, looked down at his book whilst questioning the class regarding the chapter they were about to learn. Before Snape could gaslight them by expressing his disappointment towards the unwillingness of students to study, 16th-year-old Karla raised her hand and called._

_"Sir, please. If I may?" Her voice was stern with excitement. She tried to give herself the best of atmosphere towards the bitter teacher._

_Snape could only glance at her and surrendered. He didn't have anymore excuse for not allowing her to prove her potential since she called, asked, and be nice. The things that Hermione Granger missed other than being diligent._

_Karla learned to deal with his kind of people ever since she took an interest in psychology. She studied and did research and was very happy to have Snape's existence as her subject. But she hadn't been brave enough to approach him as her observation. Karla didn't want to meddle with his personal matters let alone overstep someone else's boundaries. She could only have the chance to observe from the outside._

_But all her motivations to behave died down during her last year at Hogwarts. Ever since she encountered the first event that led her into a trauma._

_~_

_Elly..._

Karla woke up from her couch with a sharp breath. It was one past seventeenth. Her chest felt heavy and she was in a shocking state, her head felt a sting of pain which caused her to hiss and grit her teeth.

How reckless of Karla, she forgot that her own wine remedy had too much amount of alcohol. It affected the substance in her blood. The anti-depression was supposed to help her until morning. The alcohol made it faster to wear off and resulted in her experiencing anxiety.

Karla couldn't help but cry for no reason. Her mind was in pain. Her sight was starting to blur, her body was trembling, she lost touch of senses. Luckily, she knew what to do in that kind of situation. She forced herself to identify the objects, colours, smell, and sound which were surrounding her, she had to gain her senses back.

She smelled the nicotine, which was filing the room, she felt cold since her fireplace had died down hours before. The hardest one was to regain her sight. It was unclear and tears also covered them. Karla tried her best to adjust her rapid breathing.

_Calm down... you can do this._

_  
_She tried to look for her anti-depressant. There she realized that she had left them in her office which was far away from her chamber. Her office was on the east wing, whilst her room was on the west wing of the castle.

Karla couldn't help but panic as a reaction towards her recklessness. All the emotions that she had from her past, added with the restless encounter with Snape earlier that evening, it was all mixed up. She forced herself to stand, then urged to walk to her office to reach her pills.

It was one of Karla's most messed up night. She was just being very careless that week. Started from how she miscalculated the alcohol levels for her wine remedy, forgetting her pills which were also mixed with the substance of the same liquor. It was a recipe for disaster, and she hated herself that week.

After an hour of walking through the dark castle, Karla had just reached halfway towards her office. Yet her energy had drained out. She stopped her weak steps and leaned to the walls for support. Her head was swaying, the walk seemed to calm her a bit from her anxiety. But her legs were still trembling due to her uneasy thoughts. The pain that she buried deep began to emerge back. That name came up again: _Elly..._

Karla shut her eyes tightly as she remembered everything, she started to sob. Her breathing turned rapid again. Her hands clenched her chest, then it shifted to hit her head several times. Trying to get rid of the memories. Karla's legs finally failed to support her, and she dropped to the floor. She buried her face to her knees.

A dark figure emerged from the corner and knelt beside Karla, her old familiar friend. Her anxiety and trauma took form in a dark figure and it had been waiting to see her, it missed her. Karla's friend started to whisper gibberish things straight to her ear. Letting a small casket to appear in front of Karla, it told her to raise her head and see. Her friend was somewhat tempting, but Karla feared her lure.

"No... no..." She pleaded to her friend. "Please..."

"Elly is waiting..." Her friend said.

~

A scream can abruptly be heard by Snape who was in the middle of his night patrol. He immediately rushed to the source to investigate. The scream was somewhat horror for his ears to imagine the occasion. As he was near, he heard someone cried in an awful disturbance. He kept running as he felt the person needed aid.

Snape found a woman crouching in the dark corner of the corridors, clenched her eyes with her palms. She seemed to hyperventilate behind her sob. Snape hurriedly knelt down to her level and tried to help her. As he touched her shoulder, the woman screamed in shock at the sudden contact. Both jolted away from each other. Snape was in full confusion. He pointed his illuminated wand towards the woman. _Atkins?_

He was the last person in her mind to encounter during the situation. But Karla couldn't identify him at the moment. She squinted her eyes and covered them from the sharp light. Snape pointed his wand away from her, allowing Karla to see him. He couldn't say anything since he was puzzled.

Karla sunk herself deeper to the walls, still unable to control herself from panicking, crying, and hyperventilating. The earlier touch made her shudder even more.

There was no one else near enough to acknowledge the situation, so Snape wasn't having much help from other than himself. He couldn't place himself well there. Karla continued to cry and covered her ears with both hands. She still couldn't quite identify Snape since her mind was scattered everywhere.

Snape noticed that Karla couldn't control herself, so he stood up and rushed to his storeroom down the corridor. As he rummaged through his stash of potions for an elixir, he jolted as he heard Karla screamed again. He pushed himself faster to grab a couple of small vials then rushed back to her position.

"Drink this." He said as he knelt down. To avoid any physical contact, he only offered the vial in front of her.

Karla looked at him with her eyes squinted.

"Who is it?" She asked with a trembling voice.

The sight of her made Snape uneasy. To him, it was a horror to witness.

"It's Professor Severus Snape. Now—"

"Why are you here?" She asked, not paying attention to the vial offered to her. Snape swallowed for a second and dismissed her question, he adjusted his position to get closer to her. Karla reacted by jolting backwards.

"You need to drink this." He offered again.

"It wouldn't stop..."

"Who?" Snape was puzzled in a frown.

"It wouldn't stop saying her name..."

Snape looked around and searched for another soul, but no one was there. He couldn't grasp who Karla was referring to. So, he shook it off and turned back to her.

"Atkins, you need to drink this!" Snape's patient was on the edge. He growled a bit and it worsened Karla's shudder. He felt pressured.

Her friend slowly embraced Karla from behind and held Karla's arms, trying to prevent them to accept the vial.

"It'll help you, Atkins, please." Snape almost begged. He wasn't begging for her; he was begging so that he could get out of this situation. He didn't like any second of it since it horrifies and disturbed him.

By that word, Karla slowly lowered her hand from her ears. Her terrified eyes still on Snape's. She took the vial and drank it. A brief sharp pain shot through her head and she exclaimed. Snape readied another vial, then waited for her reaction.

Karla clenched her chest as she could finally manage her breath. Snape noticed that she was still trembling, he offered her another vial. Without hesitation Karla accepted it, she devoured the second elixir and let out a weak groan as the same pain came to her head. But it was less from worse this time.

As her state finally found its way back to her composure, both dropped themselves fully to sit on the floor and surrendered to lean on the walls. Karla held her head with her hand again, feeling lightweight. She failed to notice that her friend had gone as well since she tried to focus on herself. While Snape rubbed his forehead as knowing the chaos had ended.

It took a moment of silence for both to adjust themselves. Snape couldn't understand why he could be exhausted while his only action was just giving her the elixir.

"Draught of Peace..." Karla broke the silence. Snape couldn't quite understand that it was a question or a statement, "I had a hard time gathering the ingredients, that's why I use the pill—"

"What happened to the pills, then?!" He snapped in disbelieve. "What was that Atkins?" Snape demanded an explanation since he wasn't quite sure what event he was occurring.

Karla's eyes wandered down to the floor in front of her. The Draught had taken its effect. She pulled herself together and inhaled.

"That, Professor... Is called an anxiety attack." Karla wiped the dry tears on her face. "And for the pills? I forgot them in my office earlier this evening..."

Snape rolled his eyes in disbelief and sighed.

"Well done on being reckless, Atkins. I thought there was a murder here."

"It _can_ be associated with murder, Sir. Some people cut their wrists to prevent it if they weren't in the right mind to go through it. Like Michael. That's why we need pills." Karla explained slowly, she was as if high.

"It's rather reckless of a choice you've taken, Atkins. Muggle chemicals had much of a fatal side effect. I think you did lose your nature as a witch during that time studying muggle treatment—"

"Don't."

Snape instantly turned to Karla who seemed to have turned frustrated. He found it strange that even though she had consumed the elixir, she could still feel as if she were being attacked. Which in fact he was actually attacking her.

He then offered her another elixir from his pocket. She glared at him for a while before taking another of the draught.

Snape stood up and picked his illuminated wand from the floor.

"Follow me." As he tried to grab her by the arm to help her on her feet, Karla avoided his contact. Snape was surprised once again.

"I can stand by myself." She pulled herself up, helped by the walls behind her.

Snape examine her for a moment to make sure that she was true to her words. And as she did, he turned and walked towards his storeroom. Karla followed behind him with her hands hugging her ribs. She stopped at the entrance and saw Snape on the top of the wooden stairs, looking for another vial.

"I think I might start brewing Calming Draught again after a long time since you're likely to be the one who will, eventually, empty my stock." Karla rolled her eyes and sighed. She chose not to respond to prevent his next words to attack her. It was the only control she had over the situation. She didn't want to be involved in a quarrelling contest with Snape.

As she was calmer, Karla started to realize that after 2 years of working there Snape never saw her as equal to the other teachers in Hogwarts. Maybe he only saw her as a counselling staff rather than a certified teacher. She didn't have classes as well though. He seemed to be underestimating her _, or was he not interested in Muggle related subject?_ Those kinds of topics never did interest Karla, let alone the action that came with it.

Karla was more to a free-spirited person; she could embrace a lot of things to enjoy regardless of the universe. She could enjoy music from both worlds, she liked to explore things. Muggles would see her as a _"Love is Love"_ or _"We Are All Equal"_ activist. The only thing that she was sceptical about was only about herself. Even though she didn't realize that she was able to help people, she saw it from the way that the person needed help. She hardly saw herself on anything.

Karla and Snape didn't switch any words nor sentence after. So, she readied herself to leave.

"Alright, then. Thank you for your assistance, Professor. I feel very much better. I'll be going then."

Karla stood up, but before she was about to reach the door—

"Here," Snape tossed her two vials of potions, she startled and almost dropped them when it reached her hands, "I had the fear you'll be banging at my door every night for it seeing the fact that your pills couldn't help you."

Karla squinted her eyes to him, accompanied by a smile of disbelieve.

"Thank you." She walked out of the room. But before she disappeared, "Ah... don't forget, _detention._ First thing in the morning. Till then, good night." 

**~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, again!  
>  I'm so glad that you got to the next chapter. It's one of the challenging chapters for me to write, I had a slight experience with anxiety and gaslighting. It took me time to describe them in words and especially dialogues. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and would be very grateful for likes, comments, and added to your reading list. 
> 
> See you in the next chapter! :)


	3. We Affect Each Other

** Chapter 3: We Affect Each Other. **

The load's amount of Calming Draught helped Karla to rest again. Yet she could only sleep for a couple of few hours. She glanced at the clock and realized that Snape's detention was still 4 arrows ahead. Karla shut her eyes again and tried to succumb to rest.

_I deserve this, do I?_

_No. I must prepare myself!_

Karla pushed herself from her bed and stepped out to her balcony, inhaled deeply the early morning breeze, recharged herself with the solitude that the horizon gave her. No one had woken up in this hour of time. She pulled out a cigarette and it ignited as she placed it in between her lips. The wind took the tobaccos aroma and it submerged with the air. Karla gazed upon the sunrise and rested her eyes there.

Working in Hogwarts made Karla happy as she had the infinite hours to spend around the area. No more curfews, she could enjoy what she wished to enjoy years ago. It fulfilled her desire to take a stroll with the early birds, allowed her to mind her own business during the night without fear of points being taken.

Her position as the staff there gave her glimmers of new perspectives. Karla learned to adjust her self-according to her experience as a student. She wanted students to feel comfortable when they study. Because pressure made students refused to obey school policy or be interested in subjects.

Karla's parents never oppressed her. They taught her to be genuine to herself as an only child. After her mother passed away when she was 14th, Karla's father offered her for them to grief together. He was a simple muggle-man who tried his best to appreciate many things, he could accept his late wife's being as a witch since he encountered many of his family members being the same as well.

But they weren't the wizards and witches like in Hogwarts. They referred themselves as _Dukun_. They were Indonesian people who learned witchcraft and they also associate with another wizardry universe throughout the world. But they didn't build or learn in a formal school. Their magic skills were inherited to their heirs. It was one of the unique backgrounds of her father's family.

Yes, Karla's father was an Indonesian. He met Karla's mother in London and they somehow complete each other through their backgrounds and knowledge.

Karla found herself in the courtyard of Hogwarts as her thoughts drifted to her parents. She missed them, yet she couldn't open up to her father about her pain. She was embarrassed to even speak about it, fear that she would disappoint him.

After a pause for what seemed to be doing photosynthesis, Karla opened her eyes to the morning sun and went back to her chamber. She prepared herself with enough breakfast and coffee accompanied by the Daily Prophet. Hence, she usually took her anti-depressant then, but it seemed that she wasn't in need of it at the moment. The Calming Draught worked better.

As she was finished with shower and dressing, Karla departed to her office. But, Snape didn't reveal himself after an hour.

_Is he joking?_

Karla managed to push down her temper, the Calming Draught really helped. But she realized that she shouldn't be treated like so. Thus, she decided that she would be the one to visit him.

_Appreciate, Karla. That's the key. He has his own reasons._

Karla reminded herself as she walked to his storeroom. To her dismay, he wasn't there. So, she went down towards his classroom near the dungeon.

The dark and cold corridors called back the memories of how her heart pounded every time she rushed through it due to being late attending Snape's classes. She was a bit uneasy with the empty and dull atmosphere there. It made her questioned how Snape was not sufferable in this kind of air. Or maybe he did kind of enjoy it?

As she arrived there, she could see the light peaking from under the thick wooden door. Her heart pounded again as another memory suddenly emerged. Karla remembered how she usually put herself together in the same position years ago when she was about to ask Snape about a chapter in potions subject which she couldn't quite understand. He was a man who disliked being disturbed.

But this time would be different. Because she was there with a more valid reason, she shouldn't need to be restless. So, she knocked.

Snape knew it was her, he sighed behind his newspaper and was thinking to not welcome her. Until she knocked for the fourth time. Snape's feelings about this coercion would soon to be the same with the upcoming year with Dolores Umbridge.

He snapped open the door whilst forcing himself to be as calm as possible when in fact she was frustrating him. Karla looked up to him as he was towering her. Her height only reached his crooked nose.

"Morning, Professor." She began.

_No, why would you greet him like how you used to 10 years ago? You should be offended by his childish behaviours._

_Wait, no! Maintain your patients! Remember the key! He has his reasons, woman! Be professional!_

Snape didn't reply to her greetings as an angel and demon quarrel on top Karla's shoulders. Both Professors had a moment of silence as they stared at each other.

"I'm under the impression that you're forgetting our appointment?" Karla finally continued.

"Not at all, Professor. I was just finished getting ready." He lied, putting up what seemed to be a forced brief smile.

Karla cringed at the sight. After all the years discussing with her friends about his disability to smile, she had to be the one witnessing something that she eventually found as awful.

_Okay, I'm just overreacting. It's too sudden. This is my first time handling him as a colleague._

Karla cleared her throat as she shook the image off of her mind. She clenched to the nervous feeling Snape gave her and threw it away down the corridor.

"Well, since I'm already here, why don't we have our session in your classroom instead? It might be more comfortable for you," Karla forced a smile as she suggested.

"Perfect." With that, he stepped away from the entrance and gestured her inside.

Snape then closed the door as she entered. Her gaze wandered throughout the classroom. She hadn't been down there since she was back in Hogwarts. Snape pulled a chair for her in front of his desk. Karla sat and thanked him.

When they settled on their own seats, Snape leaned back and waited for her to begin.

"I will be quite honest with you, Professor, that this is my first session with a teacher here. So, I will remind you that I will be very gentle for now." Karla crossed her legs and rested her palms on top of her knee. She didn't want to gamble with the man across her.

Come to think of it, this was her chance to finally be able to observe him. She didn't want to ruin it. She wanted to be very careful.

"Well, that's a relief to hear. Do continue."

Karla could sense that Snape was forcing himself to compromise. She could see it in his dark eyes that he was thickening his walls. Karla became nostalgic all of a sudden, the feeling of pitying this man emerged. She presumed that he wasn't fully aware if he misbehaved as a teacher.

"Alright, let's start with..." Karla paused to think, then settled with "... what do you feel when you were in your position yesterday with Harry?"

For Snape, this wasn't something gentle at all. This was a huge exam that he doubted to pass. Snape looked away for a moment to look like he searched for what she asked. But he was only stalling. After a moment, Karla realized that it was too heavy for him.

"Forgive me for not reminding this at first, but you have the option to not answer, Professor." Karla leaned in and exchanged her palms with her elbow to rest them upon her knee, emphasizing her words.

Instead, Snape felt challenged. But he wasn't too eager to _play_ _with **his** game_, quotation mark. So, he fought the urge and decided to play along. He felt rather awkward to encounter Karla at that moment regarding the event in the hours prior. He feared that she would lose control again, he didn't want to dive himself into that situation once more. Snape was thinking of grabbing another Calming Draught, but he couldn't just stand up and leave in such an atmosphere.

"Well, yes. I do find the question rather disturbing for the moment." He confessed. Karla nodded and sat straight up.

"I understand, Professor. Well then, I'd like to discuss your motives as a teacher. Including your actions towards Harry as well."

 _This is getting worse._ Snape thought.

"Why do you have the urge or the need to do it? I'm not referring _specifically_ to Potter, but rather more from what I see is that you sometimes try to find excuses to bully students. But, do correct me if I'm wrong." Snape could hear her concern over him.

 _Why didn't you exist during my time as a student then?_ He internally complained. 

"It's simple, if a student misbehaves, then they deserve to be taught a lesson," he bluntly replied, "As far as I know I don't try to find excuses. I'm merely reminding them that they need to be disciplined."

"By misbehaving as a teacher yourself?" Karla questioned rhetorically, Snape was taken aback for a moment, "Why do you find... I presume you are aware that students feel pressured by you, that oppressing the children is a form of disciplining them?"

Snape took a moment to process her. He found that Karla was obviously not on the same page with him.

"Because it can be a form of motivation for them, Professor. Such as assignment deadlines and school policy. If they choose to misbehave then there will be consequences, and consequences are an effective lesson." Snape elaborated on his motives for behavior. To his surprise, Karla smiled at him.

She started to understand and found the strings that led to his core. Snape didn't notice Karla's way of slipping in between his barriers to find him.

"That is very good, Professor. I might relate with you that experiences, results of each action we make can help us learn about lots of things. But I must confess that I'm lacking tolerance here. If the importance of students behaving is essential to you, then why the need for violence? If you want to go to Hogwarts, why the need to enter through the Forbidden Forest? But that's not the case. It's more to where you're coming from, correct? Then I assume that's where your motives were born."

Snape couldn't respond to this; he struggled to keep his face straight as he listened to Karla. He was taken aback again. Too late for him to retreat, though. Karla was already in. Snape was known as an expert to shield his mind. But this time he felt that he let his guard down.

 _What went wrong?_ He mentally scolded himself.

"As a teacher, you're dealing with students' underage. And oppression could affect their mental health, their comfort to study as students as well—" Snape took a sharp breath for this. Her word made him uneasy. Somehow everything Karla said reflected on him.

"Are you questioning my valuation, Professor?" Snape's tone was restless.

Karla internally squirmed; she just tiptoed and found a lead. But she was caught, and she jolted backwards. Karla held herself from continuing her evaluation towards him, somewhat guilty.

"I'm sorry, Professor. I will give you a pause there." Karla leaned back to her chair. Her cigarette box raised its head from inside the pocket, it caught Snape's attention. Karla noticed this after a moment as his gaze stayed there.

Karla pulled the pack out and placed it on the table.

"Are you interested in this?" Then slid the box across the table towards him.

Snape processed her offer for a split second before he stood up. Karla's eyes followed him as he reached for a small clay pot to be an alternative for an ashtray. Her eyes glimmered, finally discovered something in common with this bitter man.

For Karla, cigarette was one of the ways to communicate amongst smokers. She discovered quite lots of them from her father's birthplace.

As Snape placed the clay pot on to his desk, he took one of the cigarettes out from the box. The fire ignited by itself on the tip as he placed the rolls of tobaccos on his lips.

"May I, as well?" Karla asked for his permission. He handed the pack to her, approving. She had the slightest thought that maybe she would stain the Hogwarts' air with tobaccos aroma.

As the smoke started to dance around them, Snape examined the cigarette with a frown. It eased him down a bit.

"Quite interesting, your taste. What is this?" He asked with a slight tone of amusement.

When she heard it from him, it was a relief for Karla. He never did comment or took an interest in something of hers, it was quite an achievement. Even though Snape was a hard-headed teacher, she always considered him as a challenge.

" _Srintil_. My family shared some for me. It's one of the hardest tobaccos to achieve. They need specific soil to grow in," Karla explained. She folded her free arm below her chest then sipped her cigarette, blowing a cloud of smoke upwards, "Do you enjoy it?"

Snape nodded as he took another sip as well. As much as Karla noticed that he was relaxing, Snape's thoughts drifted whilst he stood beside his chair. He considered Karla's insight. Not for himself, but merely to satisfy his curiosity.

He was in a room with his former student who he once considered to be one of the brightest during her year. But right at that moment, he seemed confused about her presence and the event between them that took place.

When she graduated Hogwarts, Snape was 24. And there stood Karla 4 years above that age, sitting in front of him giving a moral lecture. It never attended his expectation.

"Are you alright, Professor?" Karla tried to confirm with a soothing tone. Snape remained silent.

He realized that for the past two years he had been underestimating her. He was a bit disappointed when she suddenly couldn't perform well in his last classes then continued to study in a muggle school. But then again, she was there, almost succeeded in grasping his core.

"Why did you attend psychology studies, Atkins?" Snape began. Karla was surprised at his sudden interest.

"I don't think my answer will surprise you, Sir." She assumed.

Snape turned to her, sipping his cigarette again with another frown. Showed that he didn't care if it was to impress or otherwise.

"Well, I was so invested in how our hearts and minds are connected. Every day we live with lots of events and interactions happening around us. The environment we grew in has a huge effect on shaping us towards our outcome. This also includes that one is able to affect the other. Such as causing traumas, feelings, or perspectives." Her hands gestured as she explained, passion glimmered in her eyes.

"And it interests me that you can't just blame someone or something, everyone has their own reasons. And those reason does not justify them to be the most rightful. Right for themselves _maybe_ , but we can't expect other people to enjoy our cup of tea as well." Karla collapsed back to her chair as she finished. The burning passion earlier faded as she succumbed to reality.

Right at that moment, they were as if nudged by the elbow. Karla herself went uneasy with her words since she couldn't live up to her own foundation of interest in psychology. Meanwhile, Snape began to grasp her earlier meanings about his misbehaviour. It affected students, just like how the Marauders affected him.

Just like Lily.

Snape shook his mind off of her and continued to Karla without thinking further.

"Where were you when you skipped term?"

As he turned to her, he found Karla instantly frozen. Her face vividly turned uneasy towards his question. She tried to adjust herself.

"It—it's none of your concern." She defended. Her fingers laid restlessly on top of her lap, they then hid the loose strands of her hair behind her ear. Her hands started to tremble again. A stinging and disturbing pain appeared upon her clean wrists. She pressed them under her palm. One of her feet rose and landed rapidly.

"I think it's best for us to end this session, Professor." Karla stood up and put out her cigarette to the clay pot. "We can resume another time."

She took the cigarette box and left Snape in a puzzle. He didn't understand her abrupt change of emotion. 

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I've added some Indonesian elements to the story. I was pretty much excited to develop the wizardry universe with another culture. In my opinion, Indonesia holds one of the mesmerizing cultures in the world. Includes thousands of language and tribes. I will develop one of them in this story which I know the most at least :D 
> 
> See you!
> 
> Don't forget to Like, Comment and Subscribe :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> Thank you for reading everyone. I'm very excited to write this story since this is where I pour down my perspectives regarding my own personal problems and turn them into a story. It's therapeutic and helps me practice my writings & character development.
> 
> The image I attached is of Rooney Mara. I imagine Karla in her features with a hint of Eastern Asia in her face. 
> 
> Don't forget to like / comment & subscribe ;)


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